How it should have been
by Pajus
Summary: A little story that shows what would've happened had SGA writers obeyed the laws of physics. WARNING: Contains a very graphic description of physical forces affecting human bodies, causing a fatal injury. NOT FOR WEAK STOMACHS!
1. Adrift

How it should have been

Author: Pajus

I would like to thank Rosehawk for her betaing and support. Without her, this story would be full of spelling errors. Thank you.

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Adrift - 1st story 

Rodney tried not to show it, but he was scared. The city began collapsing the shield, because the lone ZPM didn't have enough power to supply it with the proper amount of energy. All the teams working on shutting the city down have reported their presence within the central spire of Atlantis and Rodney could now finally enter the command to collapse the shield to protect only the central spire. The only thing that made him wonder now was 'why did the Ancients put in a safeguard that prevents any alternations to the shield's size unless a fatal failure was imminent'? He managed to reveal the safeguard and disable it just as the first teams reported completion of their respective tasks. "The shield is what keeps the air from escaping into space and once it fails, there is no way we can possibly survive." Rodney thought to himself as he pressed the 'Enter' button and watched the command prompt coming to life, executing commands he wrote into the prepared script.

And that's when he finally realized the true purpose behind the safeguard's existence. The shield indeed kept the air inside.

The fluent collapsing of the shield herded all molecules of air from the city into the central spire. Some windows in the control room were already broken, but even that wasn't enough for the air that tried to equalize its pressure between the outside and the inside of the central spire. The resulting implosions sent glass fragments all over the place, cutting those, who were not injured by the first wave of glass fragments when the Asuran beam hit the control room earlier that day. It was quite ironic, that the increased pressure prevented the new wounds from bleeding, as it pressed the blood back into his body, but that was the only good thing about it. The air pressure increased from 17 to a crushing 2700 pounds on square inch in less than four seconds. The whole expedition felt like tossed out of a submarine into a depth of nearly six thousand feet without any preparations.

The sudden increase of pressure made his eyeballs implode and tore his eardrums away, rendering Rodney blind deaf at the same time, but that wasn't the worst thing about it. The same increase of pressure crushed his bones and reduced his body into a pile of jelly-like matter. The tendency of all gases to increase their temperature when compressed would give the IOA an even harder time explaining the deaths to their relatives. Rodney's modification in shield size increased the temperature of the air within the central spire to a level that set their clothes and hair ablaze. The increase in temperature stopped at about 2700 degrees Farenheit – the melting point of the Ancient control crystals.

When the control crystals both in the shield generators and the computers that governed them melted, the shield finally failed and the air exploding out of the central spire took what remained of the expedition members in the control room and threw them like an invisible hand into the frozen depths of space. The entire Atlantis expedition died ten seconds after Rodney pressed the 'Enter' button.

A few minutes later, Atlantis hit the asteroid field. The first few asteroid hits caused all of the six piers to break away from the central structure of Atlantis. Within moments, the central spire hit a large asteroid like a dart hits a target. The impact crushed whatever remained of the central spire and destroyed all remains of the dead bodies within. The debris field that used to be the city of the Ancients stopped after a few more asteroid impacts.

When the Apollo arrived a few hours later, their sensors could see no difference between the asteroids and the pieces that used to be the most advanced city in known universe. Colonel Carter checked the scanners twice – just like she did in every jump that day – but didn't find anything out of the ordinary. A few minutes later, the Apollo disappeared in the hyperspace window in a desperate effort to find Atlantis.

They say that Jurij Gagarin wasn't the first man in space, but the poor guy, who was sent there before didn't have enough faith in the Communist ideology to hold his breath when his life support gave up on him and so he was forgotten. The IOA has decided to turn all members of the Atlantis expedition into their own version of this poor guy. The mere existence of Atlantis and the people who used to work there for three years was buried under an impenetrable layer of statements like 'Top secret' and 'Eyes only' and forgotten forever – like all appalling failures are.

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AN: The melting point of the Ancient control crystals is my wild guess, so any intel on that would be most appreciated. Everything else is based on a calculation of actual physical laws. 


	2. The Siege, part 3

How it should have been

Author: Pajus

I would like to thank Rosehawk for her betaing and support. Without her, this story would be full of spelling errors. Thank you.

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The Siege, Part 3

Radek woke up with a feeling that today will be special. It wasn't just the fact that he had found himself in the infirmary, it was also the feeling in his stomach. A feeling of nausea that kept growing until he couldn't hold it anymore. The only thing he managed to do before the vomit exploded from his mouth was to turn on his bed and watch the puke falling down on the floor next to the bed. "Co se to se mnou děje?"

"Finally. Yer awake, lad." Radek turned around once more to follow Carson's voice, only to feel the sharp pain in his stomach. Carson didn't wait for Radek's question and began explaining. "If ye feel well enough to go, I have more severe cases here. They could use the bed."

Radek nodded and tried to get up despite the fatigue he had felt. It made no sense to him. He just woke up, but was tired to a point where his legs almost couldn't carry him anymore. During his walk in the corridors, Radek noticed that all people in the city suffered from the same condition as he did and he began to wonder what had happened while he was sleeping.

On the way to his quarters, Radek bumped into Rodney. "Oh, Radek. Come with me to the lab. I need your help with some calculations." Radek couldn't understand the almost polite tone in Rodney's voice, but that changed after half an hour in the lab. The result of Rodney's calculations was simply too horrible to accept and Rodney wanted another opinion. The result of Radek's calculations were even worse. Rodney called the control room, telling Elizabeth to have the shield raised and to meet him and Radek in the conference room along with John, Teyla and Carson to explain what had befallen them.

"It was the nuke we've used to fool the Wraith. We are all suffering from acute radiation poisoning." Rodney began his explanation as soon as everyone was settled.

"You said the shield would protect us against that!" John added to the discussion in an accusing tone.

Rodney didn't have the strength to use his sarcastic voice anymore – and that was the reason for the humility in the speech that followed "Look, I was tired, okay? I haven't slept for four days before we...

"That's enough!" Elizabeth interrupted the fight starting between her science and military commanders. "Gentlemen, focus. How bad is it?"

Rodney didn't have the strength to tell her what was about to happen, so the horrible duty was passed to Radek. "The shield did protect the city from the blast, but it did not protect the water around. When the nuke exploded, the water around the city turned into a mixture of plasma and steam. That's why we have felt the free fall during the detonation. When it calmed down, we have turned the shield into a cloak. On that moment, we have lost all protection. Until now, everyone in this city has received a dose of 16 Sieverts of gamma radiation. Our bone marrows have been destroyed so completely, that not even a transplant is going to help. The nausea will pass soon, but the fatigue will remain. We will feel relatively well for the next few days. Then, our condition will deteriorate rapidly. Severe pain and diarrhea, cellular decay and a few other things. No member of the expedition will survive the next week." Radek made a short pause before his finishing statement. "There is nothing we can do to stop it. We can only administer pain medication to the worst cases."

John, Elizabeth and Teyla were sitting with their eyes wide open, staring at the two physicists and the doctor in astonishment. After a minute of silence, Teyla finally spoke up. "What about my people? Are they safe?"

It took Radek a few moments to make some estimates before he could deliver his answer: "No. They would suffer the same death we will, only much slower. The cloud of radiation should hit the Mainland in about forty hours, maybe less. Both Atlantis and the Mainland will be uninhabitable for decades, maybe centuries. We should move the Stargate to the Mainland and evacuate the Athosians before the cloud can get to them. Then, we have to make sure no one gets out of Atlantis. In this state, we are dangerous to everyone, who has not been exposed."

Elizabeth took a deep breath before speaking the orders she had decided to give. "John, Teyla, Radek as soon as you feel better, I want you to take the ZPM, cable the gate to a jumper, transport it to the Mainland and convince the Athosians to leave ASAP. As soon as they leave, Radek will hook the ZPM to the gate and dial Earth to warn them about our current condition. Then transfer the ZPM to the Daedalus and return with all the pain medication they can spare. Rodney, as soon as you leave here, take the control crastals from the DHD both in the control room and in all the jumpers. Then, you will find a nice planet in the Ancient database for the Athosians to relocate to and give the crystals to Radek, so that he can use them to dial Earth. Carson, I want you to distribute the pain medication. Dismissed."

They did everything Elizabeth told them to do. Taking the ZPM and lowering the shield exposed them to the full brunt of gamma radiation once again, but it was actually a good thing in the situation they have found themselves in. The increased dose of radiation made the pain more intense, but the death came quicker and with less suffering. No one said anything radiation sickness, but in mere hours everyone knew what was about to happen.

After the Wraith siege was over, the crew of Atlantis returned to its nominal count of 170. All of them have been exposed to a lethal dose of radiation. When it became clear there was nothing anyone could do to heal them, 24 of these people found themselves a nice quiet corner of the city and killed themselves before the radiation did it for them.

Three days after the Wraith left Lantea, the people left in Atlantis began experiencing severe pain and diarrhea.

On the fourth day, the first man – a middle aged computer scientist named Henriksen died from the radiation. Others quickly followed.

On the sixth day, very few people were still alive. Rodney, John, Teyla, Carson, Kavanagh and 87 others perished the day before. Only nine people were left alive at this point. Radek opened the medical cabinet in the infirmary, took the last package of painkillers in Atlantis and gave some pills to the four persons that were still able to stand on their own two feet. Then he gave some pills to those on the beds. His last stop was Elizabeth's bed. Radek had taken a look at what used to be the most beautiful woman he had ever met. The radiation has turned her beautiful slender figure into a walking skeleton, her face was now only a thin layer of skin pressed tightly against the skull and the skin itself was almost as pale as the skin of a Wraith, yet still she was beautiful to Radek. With nothing left to lose, Radek decided to finally confess his feelings to her two days ago, only to find out that she felt the same way about him too.

Radek took Elizabeth's hand that was shaking in ague and pressed it against his lips. He took one of the last two pills in the package, put it into Elizabeth's mouth and gave her some water to swallow the pill with. "Do you still think I am the most beautiful woman in the universe?" Asked Elizabeth's quiet shaking voice.

"I do." Radek answered, looking deeply into her eyes. "I love you, Elizabeth."

"Kiss me, my love." Radek couldn't resist this wish of hers and gave Elizabeth a slow deep kiss full of the innocet love he had felt for her since they have first met. Elizabeth placed her hand on the back of Radek's head and kept him close to her even as Radek tried to pull away when her reactions to his kissing started waning. A few seconds later, Elizabeth stopped kissing Radek altogether and her hand wasn't pulling him in for a deeper kiss anymore. Radek understood why Elizabeth stopped kissing him back and slowly covered her face with the bed's blanket. On that day, the city of Atlantis has become the Dead city...

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Co se to se mnou děje? - What is going on with me?

AN: I had to make a few wild guesseswhen calculating the physics of this story, so it might not be completely accurate, but I can assure you, that the theoverall assumption is accurate.


	3. Outcast

How it should have been

Author: Pajus

I would like to thank Rosehawk for her betaing and support. Without her, this story would be full of spelling errors. Thank you.

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Outcast

"What is this human trying to do?" The Replicator asked himself when Colonel Sheppard stabbed a knife-like thing into his side. "He has to know it won't hurt me and after I kill him, I will have all the neutronium in the world to repair myself."

"Apollo, this is Sheppard: Now." Everything in the Replicator's vision began getting brighter and then turned completely white. A second later, his vision began returning to normal and the Replicator could see himself being in low orbit above Earth. The knife must have been a tracking device for the Asgard beam transporter, but there was no time for such thoughts now. Earth's gravity began applying its force on the Replicator the moment the he rematerialized.

The Replicator's motion was being accelerated from a still stand by thirty feet per square second, but that didn't bother him much. His creator equipped him with a knowledge of physics that allowed him to calculate what was about to happen.

Two minutes after his re materialization, the Replicator began feeling the atmosphere decreasing his acceleration, as he hit the ozone layer protecting Earth from the most dangerous part of solar radiation.

The atmospheric friction he was exposed to created a fair amount of heat on the Replicator's surface, but the cold of ozone was enough to protect him from overheating. It took him only about twenty seconds to fall through the ozone layer and reach the lower stratosphere, where the atmosphere began to rapidly increase its density.

The Replicator tried to maneuver his body in a way that would expose as great a surface of his body as possible to the decelerating force of friction. His velocity reached its high point in an altitude of 150,000 feet. On that point the Replicator was falling at a rate of almost 5,000 feet per second.

Now it was time to maneuver again. The Replicator reshaped his body into a dart-like object, that the air would still slow down, but not as much as before. He needed his velocity to be way lower than it was, but the friction was creating more heat than he could survive without damage. The plan worked and the Replicator safely reached the troposphere.

In an altitude of 15,000 feet, the Replicator reshaped himself again to give himself the look of a skydiver trying to enjoy himself as much as he could by slowing his fall down.

After nearly seven minutes of falling, the Replicator hit the ground somewhere in Nebraska at a velocity of 130 feet per second – lethal for humans, but perfectly safe for Replicators. He would find himself the storage house with neutronium and restore himself after the damage he had sustained from human firearms and the impact of the fall. Then, he will have his revenge...

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AN: Calculation was made for a Replicator the size and weight of a human. Initial altitude of the fall was 600,000 ft. 


	4. The Kindred

The Kindred

How it should have been

Author: Pajus

I would like to thank Rosehawk for her betaing and support. Without her, this story would be full of spelling errors. Thank you.

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Teyla was very disappointed with how her second visit to the vilage went. They had a prisoner they could interrogate further, but she would like to have her answers right now. At a moment such as this, she couldn't help but think about her people. „Where are they? Are they still alive? Will I ever see them again?" The question she had asked herself for the last six months once again popped up in her mind, torturing her with uncertainty.

„Dart!!" The sudden cry of Major Lorne made Teyla look up to the skies where she saw the approaching slim profile of the Wraith fighter. She tried to run for the gate like she promised to Colonel Carter before she left Atlantis that day, but the strong hands of their prisoner held her tightly. Teyla's efforts to free herself from his grip have intensified when she heard the screaming noise of the Wraith transporter beam being activated, but to no avail. The Wraith dart scooped her up along with the prisoner.

Major Lorne fired a few shots at the dart in a vain effort to damage its engines, but all of the bullets missed their target. After making sure his team was alright he ordered them to return to Atlantis and began thinking about the best way to tell to Colonels Carter and Sheppard.

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The dart arrived safely at the abandoned facility. Michael had the cargo from the transporter's buffer rematerialized and mentally ordered two of his drones to take Teyla to a cell. „As soon as she wakes up, I will give her some food and allow her to gather her strength. The experiments will begin the next day." Michael thought to himself and watched his drones carrying Teyla's unconscious body to the detention section of his base.

Preparing the equipment for what he was about to do took several hours. Teyla should be awake by now and Michael decided to give her her first meal – a healthy mixture of vitamines and substances designed to ensure the healthy development of the child Teyla was carrying. In a way, Michael felt like a father to the child. He was willing to sacrifice much, only to ensure its safety and well-being, as it held key to making his warriors more powerful.

As Michael approached the prison cell holding Teyla, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something had gone terribly wrong. Upon his arrival to Teyla's cell he saw that she was lying on the floor, still unconscious. Michael quickly ordered two of his drones to take Teyla to his lab, where he could examine his prisoner. Michael's eyes widened the moment he used the handheld scanner on Teyla's stomach. The child was lodged much lower than it should have been and he couldn't hear the child's heart beating.

Quickly putting everything away, Michael took the Wraith version of a scalpel and began a crude attempt at a C-section. Fifteen minutes later, he held the dead body of an infant in his hands. Being carried for only seven months instead of nine, the tiny boy infant weighed only about two pounds and was less than half the size of an ordinary baby. A minute later, Michael finally realized what had happened: The Wraith transporter beam fired a stunning jolt into Teyla's body upon rematerialization. Her body reacted to it by triggering a premature childbirth. After falling unconscious, Teyla's body lost the ability to properly control the process and with no way for Teyla to yell for help, there was only one possible outcome to the situation.

With the death of her son, there was only one purpose Teyla had. Michael sew up Teyla's stomach and had his drones put her into a conversion pod. She will make a fine addition to his army.

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The daily inspection of the conversion pods made Michel smile lightly. All of the people there are well on thein way to becoming his drones. With his proteine attacks against the Wraith and thesuccess of his conversion process, he will soon have an army powerful enough to challenge his enemies and defeat them.

Suddenly a report from the drone guarding the gate gave Michael cause for concern. The Atlanteans have found him.

Michael quickly deactivated the conversion pods, took what remained of Teyla's dead son and ordered a small kontingent of drones to stay in his compound and hold the attackers off and give him time to escape in the prepared cruiser. The drones did exactly what their master ordered them to do.

Colonel Sheppard and his men managed to free what remained of the Athosians, but their way to Michael's lab was blocked by a group of drones. It took several minutes to kill them and get to the lab. The sight of the conversion pods left the soldiers with their mouths hanging open in astonishment.

Suddnely, Colonel Sheppard caught a glimpse of a familiar face in one of the pods. „Doc!! I've got Teyla!" he yelled.

Carson opened the pod and quickly examined the body inside. Then he tore the clothes on Teyla's chest open and began a desperate effort to save his friend. After three minutes, Carson turned around, looked at John, but didn't say anything. He just shook his head a little.

„Any idea where the kid might be?" John asked quietly, hoping that at least the little one may still be alive.

„No, Colonel. I'm sorry." With nothing left to do, John ordered his men to take Teyla's body to Atlantis for an Athosian funeral and left Michael's compound.


	5. Be all my Sins Remember'd

How it should have been

Author: Pajus

I would like to thank Anuna for her betaing and support. Most of the psychology in this one is her work. Without Anuna, this story wouldn't be worth publishing. Thank you.

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Be All My Sins Remember'd

John tried to get the jumper back to the gate as quickly as it would go. Something told him Teyla was not alright at all. When ever his team was stunned, Ronon woke up first, followed by Teyla, himself and Rodney. This time it was John, who woke first, followed by Ronon. John could imagine Teyla might have banged her head badly when she went down, but he wanted to be sure.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sight of an Aurora-class battleship emerging from a hyperspace window right in front of him. At first John thought it was the Replicators and mentally forced the jumper into flying even faster, but a familiar voice in the jumper's communication system told him otherwise. Larrin offered him a chance to explain his presence and dealings with the Wraith, but John had to get Teyla back to Atlantis. Before he got into dialing range of the space gate, he promised Larrin to return and explain in detail, but not now he had to go.

"Atlantis, this is Jumper One, please tell Dr. Keller to expect us in the jumper bay. Something happened to Teyla and I want to be sure she's gonna be fine." John said the moment he dialed the gate and sent his IDC.

"Roger that, Colonel. How did the negotiations go?" Colonel Carter asked right away.

"We've got seven hive ships at our disposal. As soon as we get Teyla to Atlantis, I'd like to return here and negotiate more ships. Looks like our talks with the Wraith attracted the attention of the Travelers. Their leader wishes to speak with me ASAP."

"Alright, Colonel, but be careful." Carter replied, closed the channel and informed Dr. Keller about the situation.

Once the jumper was landed, John opened the rear hatch. Dr Keller was already there, asking what happened. "We've been stunned and Teyla must've banged her head or something like that. She didn't wake up yet."

"Okay." The physician ordered two of her medics place Teyla's unconscious body on the gurney and take her to the infirmary. "I'll run some tests. Just to be sure." The medics left while the Marines in the bay restrained Todd and escorted him back to his cell. After that, John reactivated the jumper and went back through the gate to negotiate with Larrin.

One hour later, the lab assistant on duty gave Keller Teyla's results. "Oh my god." The young doctor felt the horror spreading through her when she read the results. Then she tapped her ear piece, calling the physics lab. "Dr Zelenka, this is Dr Keller. Please come to the infirmary. I need to discuss something with you."

"I'm on my way, doctor." Radek arrived only minutes later and found the CMO siting in her office with her head in her hands. "What can I do for you, doctor?"

"I need you to explain to me how a Wraith stunner works." Ten minutes later, Dr Keller knew exactly what and how had happened. There was only the matter of asking her question directly. "Let's presume, that a three months pregnant woman gets hit in the stomach. What effect would that have?"

Radek thought a little about her question and made estimates based on his knowledge before delivering an answer. "Well... No matter how the charge spreads in the woman's body, it would go right through the child. The woman would survive, but the child would be killed in an instant." Now it was time for Radek to ask questions. "Dr Keller, why are you asking me these questions?"

"One of my patients will need an explanation."

Radek looked out of the office's window and saw only one female patient in the infirmary. "Můj bože."

* * *

It took her a few more hours to open her eyes. Teyla looked around to see herself being in the infirmary. She tried to sit up on the bed, but the sharp pain in her stomach convinced her that sitting up is not a good idea. "Dr Keller, she's awake!" The young medic yelled across the room and Teyla saw Dr Keller coming from her office to her bedside.

"How are you feeling, Teyla?" Keller asked in a quite, mourning tone of voice.

"I am fine, doctor." Teyla's second attempt at sitting up was ended by another wave of sharp pain coming from her stomach. "What happened? Last thing I can remember is flying to the Wraith hives."

"Teyla..." Keller took a short pause to organize her thoughts, trying to find the most sensitive way to deliver the horrible news. "There's no easy way for me to say this... You've been stunned the moment you arrived in the hive's hangar... You are alright, but..." Teyla turned her head to see the look in Keller's face twisting itself a little. On that moment, the Athosian began suspecting what the doctor was about to tell her. "...But the stunner blast killed your child. I'm sorry."

The news hit Teyla like a truck. She couldn't stop the tears making their way down her face. "No... This can not be true..." Teyla managed to get out of staring on the opposite wall.

"I'm sorry, Teyla. It's the truth."

On that moment, Colonel Sheppard and Ronon entered the infirmary with a cheerful expression in their faces, as they managed to negotiate five more ships for their alliance against the Replicators. The sight of Teyla weeping tears and the expression in Keller's face quickly changed their mood. "What's going on, doc?"

Keller looked at Teyla, who just managed to get herself partially under control. "Tell them, Jennifer." The Athosian said before another wave of tears got out of her eyes.

The two men followed the doctor into her office. Five minutes later, everything was explained. "Why the hell didn't you tell me anything?" Sheppard asked in a voice full of rage, but quiet – he obviously didn't want Teyla to hear them.

"Teyla is not a member of any Earth-based military force, Colonel. Patient confidentiality applies here."

Sheppard took two slow steps to approach Keller and then whispered right into her face. "I am the commander of the military presence in Atlantis and therefore, I am entitled to know about everything that affects the ability of my subordinates to perform their duty. And if you EVER do this again, I will have you sent back to Earth immediately. Got it?" Keller didn't say anything. The scared look in her face said that she understood what the Colonel just said. "Are there any other forgotten surprises that you would like to share with me?" Sheppard asked after a moment of silence.

Keller couldn't bring herself to do more than just shake her head. If looks could kill, she'd be dead a million times by now. The look in Ronon's face was even worse.

* * *

Teyla spent the next two days on the bed, staring emptily on the opposite wall and weeping rivers of tears. On the third day, Keller released her, but Teyla would have to stay off-duty for the next month and report for a psychological examination to Dr Alison Grieg – Atlantis' new psychologist. Teyla was most reluctant to accept any help at that point. Many have come to visit her and she tried to look fine when they were around, but the moment they have left, Teyla fell into the same state she was in before they arrived. She would first have to admit to herself that her child is gone.

In the days to follow, Teyla spent most of her time in the gym, sparring with the newly arrived Marines. They could tell no difference, because Teyla was still way too much for them, but Colonel Sheppard and Ronon did go easy on her. The three of them have been on one team long enough to understand each other without words. The two men could clearly see the change in Teyla. Her fighting style changed into something that relied more on aggression and ferocity than skill. It wasn't hard for them to defend themselves against such attacks, but both John and Ronon didn't have the will to send Teyla to the floor afterwards. The fact that they've seen her trying to protect her stomach when they were about to strike wasn't a good sign either, but trying to talk to Teyla afterwards wasn't a good idea. She usually snapped at them and said she was fine before leaving.

* * *

It was late at night when Teyla returned to her quarters from a series of sparring practices. The corridors were empty and dark, but she could find her way around Atlantis even without lights. As she came closer to her quarters, she heard a strange noise, like the crying of a baby. The moment Teyla opened the door to her quarters, she stood there shocked by the sight of a hand-made cradle.

"Here you are, Teyla." She turned her head to follow the cheerful voice and saw her beloved holding an infant in his arms. "I am trying to calm Tagaan down for an hour now, but it seems he demands sustenance and that is the one thing I am not equipped to give him." Kannan saw the shocked look in Teyla's face and slowly approached her. "Teyla? Are you alright?"

"I..." She couldn't bring herself to saying more in the situation that presented itself to her.

"I told Ronon many times to not strike for your head during your sparring." The man sighed in concern.

"I am alright, Kannan." Teyla finally managed to get out of herself. "You were saying our boy is hungry?"

"It is the only thing I have yet to try. Dr Keller has provided me with a supply of artificial sustenance, but it has been depleted. The Daedalus will bring more in two weeks. Until then, I am afraid you will have to stay home a little more." Kannan said while watching Teyla untie the laces on her leather top, exposing the naked chest underneath.

"Do not worry. I will change my schedule accordingly." Teyla replied, took little Tagaan and offered him her left breast. The infant ceased screaming and sucked Teyla's nipple as hard as he could in an effort to get as much of his mother's milk as possible. "Eat, my little child... Grow strong and wise."

Teyla turned around and approached the table in the center of the room, sitting down on the chair next to it. Her son was now making little sounds of happiness and contention. Then she felt Kannan's lips tracing their path of heat on her neck and ear. It made her all cozy and Teyla felt herself slowly drifting into the realms of sleep. She didn't even notice her right hand reaching for the knife that was on the table.

The short loud noise made by her son woke Teyla from her daydream. She looked down to see her neck and chest covered in blood coming from the open wound on her son's neck and the bloody knife in her hand. "Teyla... What have you done?"

Teyla woke up covered in sweat with a loud scream coming out of her mouth. She looked around and saw herself being in her quarters. There was no sign on Kannan, or the cradle. Teyla quickly touched her stomach for a few seconds in a desperate effort to find the child that wasn't there anymore. It was one week since Dr Keller released her from the infirmary. She hardly got any sleep and when she did fall asleep, her mind had a wide variety of nightmares prepared for her. She had already seen herself shooting her child, beating it to death and throwing it out of the window. All her nightmares had one thing in common. The question Kannan asked her in the end: "Teyla... What have you done?"

Suddenly she heard someone knocking urgently on the door. "Ma'am? Are you alright?" Teyla's screams have attracted the attention of the Marine patrolling the corridor.

Teyla got off the bed and opened the door. "There is no cause for concern," She took a look at the man's uniform "Corporal. I have merely had a bad dream."

"Alright ma'am. Have a good night."

"You as well" The door slid closed and Teyla went to the bathroom to wash her face. The person she had seen in the mirror wasn't the strong and wise leader she had seen there for more that three years. This person was a wreck – broken in half and shaken to her very core. On that moment, Teyla finally realized what had happened to her child and that she was in need of help.

* * *

It was quite late in the afternoon when Teyla made her way to the psychologists office. In the last two years, Teyla only visited there, because she and Kate Heightmeyer have become good friends during Teyla's episode with the Wraith referred to as 'Bob'.

The door of the office slid open to reveal the small black-haired woman with the Australian flag on her left shoulder. "Dr. Grieg... Do you have a little time?"

"Of course,... Teyla, right?" The psychologist skipped through Dr. Heightmeyer's notes to find the ones about Teyla. "Have a seat, miss Emmagan." Dr. Grieg waved Teyla to the couch opposite to her chair. "What can I do for you?"

Teyla sat down, looking uncertain. "I have been having nightmares lately."

"What were those nightmares about?" Grieg asked with a look of interens and concern in her face.

"About the fate of my people." Teyla couldn't believe what she just said. She wasn't lying, of course. Teyla was having nightmares about what might have happened to her people after she and Dr Keller returned from New Athos, but they were over now – drowned in the pain of her child dying. Still, the wound caused by the death of her child was too fresh in Teyla's mind to talk about this subject freely – especially with this unknown woman. Had Kate Heightmeyer been still alive, Teyla might have been able to talk about what had happened with her child, but Dr Grieg has yet to win her trust.

"What are they like?" Teyla couldn't believe how similar the voice of Dr Grieg was to Kate's voice. She came to the conclusion that it must be part of whatever training psychologists on Earth receive.

"I can see their faces... they speak to me..." Teyla couldn't bear to look Dr Grieg in the eyes because of the dishonesty she was committing. "They keep telling me that I should have stayed with them... Like a true leader would... And then I wake up."

"Teyla, why did you decide to live in Atlantis?" The psychologist knew the answer, but she needed Teyla to say it out loud – to take the first step towards believing it.

"I believed that I could help my people by helping Dr Weir and Colonel Sheppard establish a power base in this galaxy."

"In my opinion, you have succeeded admirably in this task. Had you been with your people ,you would've suffered their fate. This way, you can still find them and save them."

Teyla could see that the doctor had been right. She never looked at the situation from this point of view before. "I can see there is wisdom in your words, Dr Grieg." Teyla said before the room fell into awkward silence for a moment.

During this moment, Doctor Grieg's trained eyes focused on the Athosian, who seemed to be unable to meet her gaze. Instead, Teyla's eyes kept wandering the floor, looking for something to take her mind off the fact that she just lied to someone. The psychologist drew the conclusion that there is something else bothering Teyla – something that is far worse than the disappearance of her people. "Come again the day after tomorrow. I would like to talk with you some more."

The Athosian stood up saying "Thank you" and took her leave.

* * *

Once Teyla arrived in her quarters, she immediately went to her bathroom to wash her face. She simply couldn't believe she had not told the truth to someone, who was there to help her. She looked into the mirror to see the expression in her face there slowly changing into a look of hatred and anger. "You liar."

"What?" Teyla asked, her voice quiet and shaking.

"It's your fault..." The face in the mirror stated in a merciless voice that kept echoing through Teyla's skull, each echo being louder than the previous one.

"There was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to my people."

"Your child is dead!" The last word hit her mind with deafening loudness and kept repeating itself with the regularity of a drum beat.

Teyla took one step back and began crying like she did many times in the past days. "There was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening."

"LIAR!!"

"No!" Teyla once again woke up to see herself being covered in sweat, breathing heavily. Her session with Dr Grieg kept playing in her head. In the last few days, Teyla was now having nightmares about everything: Her people being taken, her child being dead and her dishonesty towards Dr. Grieg, whose only crime was being a replacement for Dr. Heightmeyer. The fact that her nightmares got more and more real and she keeps hearing Dr Grieg's voice during sparring practices and meditations made her think that she would never be able to function as a part of the Atlantis expedition again. Teyla found herself heading for Dr Grieg's office many times every day, only to stop one second before knocking on her door.

* * *

"...and then I have thrown my son out of the window and watched him fall to the base of the central spire." Teyla had a session with Dr Grieg every other day for three weeks before she was able to talk about what had happened to her child.

"Teyla, can you remember what happened in the hive's hangar that day?" The psychologist asked in a compassionate voice.

"No. The last thing I can remember is flying towards the hives in the jumper and then waking up in the infirmary. How is that important?"

"It could mean that on some level, you knew what had happened to your child and your mind found the thought too horrible to deal with and shut itself down. It is quite common in such situations."

"Are you saying that I do not remember, because I do not wish to remember?" Teyla gave Dr Grieg an incredulous look.

"Losing your child must have been a severe trauma for both your body and your mind. Forgetting such things is sometimes the only way to get rid of the things troubling our minds. The best thing you can do right now is to try to remember. Are you familiar with hypnosis?

"Yes. Dr Heightmeyer used it as a means to establish a link between me and the Wraith." Teyla understood where Dr Grieg was headed with this and it made her feel afraid of what she may find.

Dr Grieg could see what Teyla was thinking about. "I can help you remember by taking small steps at a time. The moment I see you not taking it well, I'll make it stop, okay?"

Teyla laid herself down on the couch she was sitting on and tried to relax. "I am ready." She said after a few seconds and saw Dr Grieg taking a pen light.

* * *

_Teyla could feel the cold in her stomach very strongly when the jumper entered the hive's main hangar – just like every other time when there were large numbers of Wraith nearby. Colonel Sheppard had landed on one of the platforms in the hangar and removed the restraints from Todd's hands. Ronon warned him that trusting the Wraith is a mistake, but they knew they had no choice in the situation they had found themselves in. It was either an alliance with the Wraith or watch the Replicators annihilate every last human in the galaxy._

_The door in the back of the jumper slowly opened to reveal the four Wraith aiming their weapons on the humans, firing before anyone could react. Before she knew it, Teyla felt the sustained wave of pain coming from her right shoulder and spreading into her arm and hand as the charge of the Wraith stunner went through the most conductive way in her body and was grounded into the jumper's hull. The current of the charge made her lose control of her muscles, arching Teyla's back. Before she fell unconscious, Teyla felt the very same sensation coming from the lower part of her stomach..._

Teyla already got used to waking up covered in sweat, but this was different. It felt too real to be a mere dream, but if it's not a dream, what is it then? "It might be the lost memory of my child dying..." Teyla thought to herself when she calmed herself down a little.

* * *

"So it was really the Wraith, who fired the weapon that killed your child?" Dr. Grieg was content to see that the five weeks sessions yielded fruit. Teyla's mind was finally prepared to come to terms with her child's death. Now came the hard part: Convincing Teyla that it was really the Wraith and not her own recklessness that killed the child.

"Well... Yes. That is how I remember it."

"Was there anything you could have done to prevent it from happening?"

"There are many things I could have done, Dr. Grieg: I could have told Colonel Sheppard about my condition and he would have no other choice but to remove me from his team."

"He would take the chance of finding your people away from you. I understand, that as their leader, you feel responsible for their fate. How was it like – to be the leader of a nation in the Pegasus galaxy?"

"As you have said, I felt the weight of immense responsibility towards my people. They were depending on me for their survival. I believe it is what helped establish a close friendship between me and Dr Weir. In a way, I have felt like a mother to them."

"Having to decide between the duties of a leader and the duties of a mother and living with the consequences of this choice is a great burden. But you have to understand that no matter what you believe, there are things you can neither choose, nor change."

Dr Grieg watched Teyla's face very closely during her speech and was relieved to her look calming down a little. Teyla just realized the similarities a mother shares with a leader. "That is what Dr Heightmeyer often told me." What appeared on Teyla's face was the first light smile since the moment her child had died. Dr Grieg knew Teyla's soul would never completely heal – she will never forgive herself for rushing into battle instead of staying behind and making certain her child would be born alive and in good health, but this was definitely a step in the right direction.

In the days to follow, both Ronon and John noticed the change in their teammate. Teyla felt more calm and collected during sparring, her nightmares slowly losing intensity and becoming less frequent. Both were happy to see that, even though it meant John had seen the floor from a very close perspective many times in those days.

Four months after the death of her child, Dr Grieg pronounced Teyla fit for active duty.

* * *

Můj bože - My god

AN: In order to prevent any angry reviews and private messages, saying "How can you know how a Wraith stunner works.": I took the liberty of taking the firing angles of the Wraith and tracing the stunner blasts through the jumper's interior. Turns out Teyla was hit twice (at least; I didn't bother tracing the remaining blasts after the second hit). The second blast went to her lower stomach, meaning that whatever energy is used had to go right through the child. Taking the energy required to stun a full-grown adult and pushing it through a three months old embryo... well... you've read the story.


	6. Trio

How it should have been

Author: Pajus

I would like to thank Reiko for her betaing and support. Without her, this story would be full of spelling errors. Thank you.

* * *

Trio

_„__What a warm and beautiful day"_, Dr. Keller thought to herself as she, Dr. McKay and Colonel Carter went through the gate. Back on Earth, she would even consider lying down, stripping down to her underwear and sunbathing, but this was M5V-801, a backwater planet in the Pegasus galaxy, and she was on a mission. Half an hour and two miles of hiking later, she began to hate this place with as much passion as she could. The villagers on the planet were uncooperative no matter what one told them, the frequent tremors made her shake with fear every time they happened indoors, and after thirty minutes of walking, she began to feel the planet's atmosphere affecting her body in a most foul way. "I should start making more cardio. Not used to going back and forth this much."

"I'm used to walking this much . . . I'm a very active person," Rodney answered, trying to look superior.

"Your last physical contradicts that statement," Keller tried to make her remark sound funny, but became the victim of Rodney's outburst.

"That's privileged medical information. You can't discuss that in a casual conversation."

At moments such as this, Colonel Carter thought about having both Keller and Rodney sent back to Earth for partial military training. That would both increase their endurance and decrease their constant whining_. Teyla has to have the patience of a saint for facing both the Bola Kai and Keller and not smacking her upside the head._ The thought of doing this personally made her put a light smile on her face.

"All I'm saying is, that -"

Suddenly, Rodney felt soil underneath his feet giving up under his weight. The 25 foot free fall took only a little over one second, yet Rodney still had seen his entire life flashing by in a very fast forward. Then came the impact. Rodney slowly opened his eyes to reveal the hole in the ceiling that he had just fallen through. The impact knocked the breath out of him and left him feeling disoriented and cozy, but the intense pain coming from his right calf was quickly restoring his consciousness.

"Lay down on your stomach. Distribute your weight," Colonel Carter explained to the physician and crawled to the edge of the hole to see what had happened to McKay. After a few seconds of crawling, both women reached the edge of the hole. "McKay? Are you okay?" Carter heard only soft cries of pain in response.

"Don't move, we'll go and get help." Keller tried to crawl back to a safe distance from the hole when the soil collapsed under both her and Carter. The difference between their falls and Rodney's was that he fell feet first, the ground under him collapsing all at once. The soil under Carter and Keller collapsed fluently while they were on their stomachs – they were both falling head first.

Rodney felt cozy and relaxed, even a little drunk before the intense pain in his calf woke him up once more. After screaming with pain until his lungs ran out of air, Rodney finally looked up to see what caused the pain in his calf this time. His vision was twisting itself in all direction – a side effect of the concussion he suffered upon impact – but the sight Carter lying on his broken leg made him regain more of his presence. Rodney tried to focus his vision of Carter's face, because it looked like she was trying to tell him something, yet he didn't hear any words. A few seconds later, his vision cleared itself enough and he could see what was going on.

Carter's eyes and mouth were open as widely as the stretching ability of her tissues would let them, but her lungs wouldn't draw any air. The impact on the hard floor bent her neck too much in the forward direction, severing the neural connection between her brain and the rest of her body. Carter was trying to draw air as hard as she could, but her lungs would not obey her commands.

The sight of Carter looking like a fish out of water made Rodney scream with horror. He didn't even look back. He simply threw his left hand, grabbing the first thing he could feel under the palm. He tried to pull, his broken calf screaming pure pain at him, making him scream like never before. But Rodney didn't care. Everything was better than seeing someone dying like this. Suddenly, he realized that his effort at pulling was moving whatever object he was grabbing onto. Rodney tried to look back, only to see he was squeezing the right breast of Keller, who looked the same as Carter.

The sight made Rodney scream once more. Keller's lips were moving and Rodney's skill in reading them was enough for him to recognize she was trying to yell "help me" at him, but with her body lacking the ability to control its own lungs, not even the slightest whisper could come out of her. Suddenly, Keller's mouth stretched even more and her pupils began dilating until they covered almost the entire size of her irises. A second later, the muscles in Keller's face relaxed from the stretching, giving her a somewhat softer, almost pleasureful look – like she just had an orgasm.

Rodney ceased all attempts at moving and began crying rivers of tears and screaming, "Please, help me!" from time to time. He knew he would see the faces of the two women until the end of his life. A few minutes later, Rodney began feeling cold and his hands were shaking in ague. He had remembered Carson once treating a Marine with the same symptoms. _If I could only remember what happened to the - OH CRAP!! It was internal bleeding!! Oh my god... I'm a dead man!!_ Rodney thought to himself and tried to scream for help even louder than before, but to no avail. There was no one who could hear him. Rodney was slowly losing both strength and will as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Rodney didn't know how long he was sleeping, but he could hear voices from far away. "I think they're dead. Let's get out of here before we fall there too. And you are in deep trouble, young man!" Rodney tried to yell for help, but his voice didn't rise above a whisper. There was nothing left for him to do, except wait for his friends in Atlantis to notice his absence and start looking for him. With this thought, Rodney's mind once more drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_How bad could it be?_ Rodney kept asking himself during the third tremor shaking the floor he was lying on. The previous tremors woke him up as well, as Carter's dead body shaking on his leg caused him agonizing pain. Suddenly, everything around – including him – moved to the wall with the red door, and a second later, Rodney felt like he was floating in zero-g. To his great amazement, everything in the room was floating around him in mid-air. That's when Rodney's knowledge of physics demonstrated itself for the last time in his life. _The room is falling into a deep abyss_, was Rodney's last thought just before the impact of the room ended his life.

* * *

AN: I didn't want to write this story at first, because Carter and Keller are beneath my contempt, but Reiko challenged me and that is something I could not refuse


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